WU Blocks Train, Bond Reboots in a Cybertruck, Trump Caps Lock Cries “FAKE ME”, and Siri Disses Sirius While Taylor Swift Wins the Galaxy

1. Woman Named WU Blocks High-Speed Train With Body: Polls Explode Over Which Body Part

In a bold (and possibly boneheaded) act of civic disruption, a woman identified only as WU, part of a five-member party in Shenzhen, physically blocked the doors of a high-speed rail train, apparently to hold it open for her lagging comrades.

What part of her body did she use to block the door remain a mystery.

BLUNDERZ immediately launched a snap poll, drawing a thunderous 15 votes and a pile of unsolicited messages, including, but not limited to:

“U Suck”
“Block Us”
“Ban Blunderz”
“Report BEEP BEEP”

(Note: We assume that last one was either an auto-correct fail or an avant-garde cry for help.)

Still, democracy must prevail. Here are the top contenders, ranked by sheer guesswork and minor data integrity:

Legs – The unarguably, classic.
Butts – The sleeper hit of any A-hole. “Strategic Wedging” as a likely tactic.
Mouth – Unexpected but plausible. Maybe she argued with the door?
A Set of Middle Fingers – Not originally on the poll, but voters insisted. We are still determining if this was a vote or a message to us. Possibly both.

Blunderz Polling Statement: “We stand by our commitment to partial facts, full speculation, and occasional emotional damage. Please keep voting, and please stop swearing, F*****s.”

2. Kraven the Hunter - A vengeful Ashton Martin

Speculation has been swirling online in recent days that British actor Aaron Taylor-Johnson, star of 2024's Kraven the Hunter and the 2022 hit Bullet Train, is poised to take on the role of 007.

Once an aspiring Bond girl herself, sometime in the later but still early part of the late 20th century, our British correspondent, Ms. Spec O. Temptation (aka Ms. Broccoli), embarked on a daring *itch hunt for the next James Bond.

Her search led her deep into the black market of OMEGA aficionados, where rumors are traded for Rolexes and MI6 gossip comes with a martini (shaken, not stirred – does it look she cared?). It was there that she found herself breathless, muttering “OMGOD” as she laid eyes on a smoldering poster of the man in question.

The bullet had been fired, the sky has fallen, but no time to die for Ms. Temptation. The hunter was found. And Bond, perhaps, has been chosen.

“Who the F** Looks Like That?”*
—By Ms. Temptation

A no-holds-barred exposé of cheekbones, car chases, and criminally tight suits. Because some men don’t just walk into MI6… they saunter in slow motion.

Meanwhile, back at the BLUNDERZ London studios...

A deranged version of "Q", recently demoted from MI6 to MI6.66, was in full meltdown mode. Fueled by jealous rage over Ms. Temptation and a steady diet of monster energy and MI6 pension denials, Q sabotaged protocol and swapped the sleek Aston Martin for... a Cybertruck.

3. Mental Anguish - The Caps Saga

President Donald Trump’s lawyers claim he suffered "mental anguish" from CBS News' editing of a 60 Minutes interview with Harris last year. Trump’s lawyers, described as a "media icon", argue that Trump’s "content creator" status was also damaged by the interview.

Our not-so-discreet correspondents, Mr. Con. T. and Ms. I. Con, have since leaked an exclusive blunderz-under-the-keyboard’s-CAPS-LOCK-key footage showing what T* was doing when the interview aired.

In footage taken from a now 0.03 megapixel camera (deliberate and constant hitting of the CAPS LOCK key traumatized the pixels), hidden inside the CAPS LOCK key of T*'s keyboard, it can be clearly (well, not really) seen that T* was in the process of writing a social media post on his Truth (Yeah right!!) Social:

“FAKE NEWS CBS!!! TOTALLY RIGGED INTERVIEW!!! MEDIA WITCH HUNT!!! I’M THE REAL CONTENT KING!!! I’M THE BIG DADY! SAD DAY FOR AMERICA!!!”

Sadly, due to the rage-induced repeated CAPS LOCK spasms, most of the footage appears in full CAPS and unreadable, nonsensical blur. However, experts believe the emotional damage was “very real,” especially when T* accidentally posted a half-finished draft that simply read:

“FAKE ME”

Sources close to the CAPS LOCK key confirm it has since retired due to trauma and is planning to sue T* for fat-finger-driven trauma and, ironically, mental anguish.

4. Siri, Play Taylor Swift - "Now streaming Taylor’s Version... on Spotify, Apple Music, NOT Sirius. Seriously."

Taylor Swift recently dropped the mic (again) with the announcement:
"All of the music I've ever made... now belongs... to me."

Guess who’s celebrating? None other than the infamous Siri and every non-English native speaker who no longer has to stumble through, "Taylor’s Version" at the end of every title like a nervous fan in a spelling bee.

Speaking of Siri, let’s talk about Sirius. Another name in the galaxy of radio and satellite tech.
Honestly, what were the founders of Sirius thinking? Were they even serious when they launched Sirius? Or was it just a cosmic dad joke that spiraled out of control... and into a subscription model?

They made a serious decision to call it Sirius, released it seriously to the public, and then expected serious people to pay a serious monthly charge to hear serious content… that most of the time isn’t even playing while using Siri.

You try to listen and Siri replies,

“Seriously, Sirius? Dude... get a life.”

It’s a cosmic mess of puns, subscriptions, and Swift liberation. Welcome to 2025.